Second Marriages and a Bag Full of Turmoil
It’s no secret that I’ve been going through some very trying times recently with the horrible flooding in Indiana, my puppy having Parvo and so much more that no one in their right mind would believe - so allow me to blame my fragile emotional state on the issues at hand while I offer up a little something to chew on - especially for all you folks looking at getting married and blending families.
I have worn many hats and worked many jobs - all of which I’ve given 110 percent with references to prove it. Up and until about four years ago, I believed being a single mother was thee hardest job on the planet. Indeed it was - until I made the decision to blend families by getting married.
The man I married is a wonderful man - when he’s wonderful. When times are tough, they truly are the toughest - the kind that makes you want to just snap, pack up a bag of clothes, grab your kids and leave - even to the point of leaving all your worldly possessions behind - just to grab the opportunity to get out, drive and never look back.
When you blend families, regardless of how much you think you love your partner, there will come a time where you feel in the deepest parts of your soul that the relationship is not 50/50 - while I’m a firm believer in both partners giving 100% - 50/50 is what most men seem to think is adequate contribution.
I will admit there are more days then not, where I resent the hell out of my situation. I sometimes resent the fact that my husband has bipolar disorder, not that he would ever choose to have it, just sometimes - the selfish me resents it. And even more, that he HAS an excuse not to work full time, not to take responsibility for his own children. While the resentment doesn’t stay continuous, it is a frequent visitor that disrupts my ability to think clearly.
I’m faced with providing 100% for two children who are not mine when I don’t even provide 100% for the children who are mine. For years my kids did not receive child support, but now they are - and have been for a couple of years. It’s that fact that makes me resent, hate, despise and want to flee my current existence.
What scares me even more is what the courts might say if I try to leave. Will they say that I have to provide for a man who won’t/can’t work full time? Will they say that I have to give more blood, sweat and tears to a marriage I’ve supported entirely for nearly 5 years?
I’ve struggled for nearly 11 years to provide for my own children - to create an income that could provide for us quite nicely and now I’m afraid that I will be faced with the order to continue to support a family that is not mine - a man I once loved more then life - I still love him and care about him - but I don’t recognize him any longer.
And for the record, I take REAL issue with anyone who would bring children into this world and not bend over backwards and walk through fire to provide for their own. I did it. I know it’s tough - but I also know it CAN be done.
When we got married he worked two jobs. I believed this was a man who shared the same work ethics as I - one who would never take more then he gave. A month after we married - my world began to crumble. He injured his back and has not worked since. I know his situation is tough - I believe I could handle it better if I had only him to support and while I love and adore his children, they are not mine.
I signed on to be the bonus parent - not the actual parent providing for two children who have two able bodied parents.
Before you go agreeing to blend families - think! Consider a long term relationship until the kids are grown - consider all the what if’s and by all means protect your own personal property from having to be split if things don’t work out.
Now, feel free to tell me what YOU think about blending families and responsibilities!
Related Stories
POSTED IN: Single Parents
3 opinions for Second Marriages and a Bag Full of Turmoil
Christina
Jun 15, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Good luck with your situation. I don’t envy you one bit but hope you’re able to make the decision that is best for you and your own kids.
Gayla McCord
Jun 19, 2008 at 10:43 am
Thanks Christina. It’s by far the toughest position I’ve ever found myself to be in.
kellys
Jun 24, 2008 at 9:41 am
I am so sorry that you are struggling so! My situation was different. but I can tell you that I would hope that his kids appreciate you. I tell my step mom whom I only had to visit(I lived with my mom and step dad) how appreciative I am of her now that I see what I put her through as the typical step kid. If you truly want out, have you talked to a lawyer to see what they say? I can’t imagine that you would be held liable for kids you never adopted. Divorce, I think, has different rules once you enter into a blended situation.
Have an opinion? Leave a comment: