Quick Tip: Ask her what she wants
Personally, I admit that knowing the guy knows what I want without me saying it is sweet and romantic but I also know I have to, sometimes, be practical about setting my expectations. I have to accept the fact that he simply can’t know something that I haven’t told him and I can’t rely on innuedoes or fly-by comments.
I heard it said before that men do stress over knowing what their girlfriends want. Oftentimes, they’d assume certain expectations that could possibly harm the state of the relationship. They’d beat themselves up for being inadequate without the knowledge of their partner and, meanwhile, the other is wondering about his sincerity, or worse, his honesty.
I guess this brings us to the issue of proper communication between two people in the relationship. If one refuses to ask a question just because of a certain fear, then both will remain in the dark.
Bottomline, I really suggest that guys should go ask the girls what they want before jumping into any conclusion. For all you know, you might be missing out on an opportunity to make the two of you happy.
Tags: Advice, communication, Dating, relationship-stress, relationshipsRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Advice, For Couples
6 opinions for Quick Tip: Ask her what she wants
Michael Smalley
Oct 28, 2006 at 6:57 am
Excellent post, I wonder if you’re a therapist or at least in training? Seriously, I’m a marriage and family counselor and this is the kind of thing I try to get clients to understand all the time. You can’t assume what someone will love, you have to ask.
» Why do your best intentions to love go completely wrong? CrashintoLove.com: reflections on life, love, and family — a smalley blog
Oct 28, 2006 at 7:09 am
[...] I was reading a post by “Dating Dames: The next best thing to a dating instruction manual. Your burning love questions answered by Gayla McCord and Sasha Manuel” and I have to say these ladies got skill when it comes to one of the most important relationship principles I know, the million dollar question: I heard it said before that men do stress over knowing what their girlfriends want. Oftentimes, they’d assume certain expectations that could possibly harm the state of the relationship. They’d beat themselves up for being inadequate without the knowledge of their partner and, meanwhile, the other is wondering about his sincerity, or worse, his honesty. [...]
Shonnie Lavender
Oct 28, 2006 at 9:12 am
Great post Sasha. I’m absolutely in agreement with your advice to ask what your partner wants rather than attempt to read minds or make assumptions based on past experience. I wrote a post How can you have the relationship you want if your wants remain a secret? that reminds people to be willing to voice their wants rather than putting the responsibility on their partner to ask. A fulfilling relationship needs active participation by both parties, so if folks follow your advice to “ask” and mine to “request” I think they’ll be good to go!
Matt
Oct 29, 2006 at 12:48 pm
I disagree. Women are terrible at making decisions. The number of times I’ve heard “I don’t mind”… it’s a lovely theory, I just don’t think it works in practice… :p
Shonnie Lavender
Oct 30, 2006 at 7:35 am
I think keeping the belief that “women are terrible at making decisions” is going to result in you attracting such women into your life Matt. Truth telling is a vital relationship skill and if women are saying “I don’t mind,” then hopefully it’s the truth. If they’re not comfortable speaking up for what they want, then it behooves them to learn how to do that otherwise they’re likely to end up with a partner who is really frustrated by the mixed signals they’re sending. (Of course, sometimes we “don’t mind” a decision at first, yet then we change our minds — both men and women do this, of course.).
Sasha Manuel
Nov 1, 2006 at 2:19 am
Michael: Thanks. Unfortunately, I’m not. I’m just thinking out loud. :)
Shonnie: You’re right. Another thing that people in relationships should bear in mind is it’s alright to “request” for something. However, they should remember to never be “manipulative” when they do it. Sincerity and open communication are the keys to a smoother relationship. :)
Matt: Sorry but I have to agree with Shonnie. It’s not good to generalise since there are women out there who actually can say certain things and mean it. It’s best not to view us women with cynicism that is if you really want to form a decent relationship with one of us. :)
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