Photo shrine to ex stifles current romance
While reading one of my favorite advice columnists this morning, an interesting topic came up that I thought might be worthwhile to visit here on Dating Dames - just to get an all around perspective, of course.
Here’s the submitted question:
About a year ago I began a relationship that has really taken off. I’m mid-40s, she’s mid-30s. After a few months, the pictures displayed in her apartment of her with her ex started getting on my nerves. I understood these photos represented something in her life that brought her happiness, so I let it go. But finally I said it’d be nice if we could replace some with pictures of us, or anything besides what was there.
She seemed agreeable, but the pics remained. She said she was trying to print some of us that would fit the frames.
Fine, but it took several months. The pics finally came down, but now she’s got scrapbooks full of ex-boyfriend memorabilia all over the house we now share. Cards, letters, photos, etc. I know we all have pasts; I’ve let mine go, and would like to focus on the future. Am I off base for wanting the same from her? - K.H.
In my opinion…
I believe when two people begin seeing each other, that momentos of prior relationships should be stored in a place of safe keeping - but not destroyed. I feel that it has taken all the former relationships to create the person that’s in the current relationship and they shouldn’t be discounted.
There’s nothing wrong with a little reflection from time to time, but there is something wrong with keeping that person so directly in the face of the new love interest.
To me it’s just common sense and udder politeness to store such personal belongings away where the new love might not feel so challenged by them.
Falling back on that whole “signals” topic - such mementos could be sending out a wide variety of signals - many of which the person may not intend, but rather than having the new love try and decipher something that may or may not be there, it’s strongly recommended that you find a nice storage box and tuck them all away for safe keeping.
I’m very interested in the opinions of others.
How does it make you feel when a new flame keeps pictures of themselves and their ex out on display?
How do you think the topic should be handled?
Tags: Dating, ex_boyfriend, ex_girlfriend, love, pictures, relationships, the_exRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Answer This
3 opinions for Photo shrine to ex stifles current romance
Angela
Apr 25, 2006 at 8:30 am
The one LTR before the one I’m in now I wanted no memories of…so I got rid of most of it before this current relationship. Ran across old pics when going through my mom’s photos last year to do a collage frame for her and shredded them. I’m ruthless. Pee me off and I don’t look back.
Gayla McCord
Apr 27, 2006 at 11:57 am
I used to be that way, then I realized that by retaining pictures and momentos, it did keep from going into those times when it’s difficult to remember just why the relationship didn’t work.
I find it easier for my heart to move on, when I have something to reflect back on. I’m a cancer crab. We like to hang on to just about everything.
Angela
Apr 27, 2006 at 12:11 pm
Too funny. I’m a libra and thrive on relationships, not sure if me knowing when it isn’t good and getting rid of ALL reminders is a libra trait or not, but that is the way I am. Only want good memories, and with the relationship I refer too, there are enough memories of how he was for me to know why it didn’t work.
:)
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