Dating Dames - Dating & Relationship Advice, Tips and Trends

Online Dating Part Two - Privacy and Security

by Michelle Smith on August 20th, 2008

Today I want to talk about safety and privacy. This is a concern of many single women. My mom used the Plenty of Fish service - 2 good prospects and only 1 oddball - and I advised her to set up a separate free email address if she wanted to take the conversation away from the POF website. I thought that was safer than giving out the email address she used at work, the only place, other than my house, that she had computer access.

One of the questions that I asked my friends when I interviewed them was if they did anything special to insure their privacy. Some of the ladies used a different instant message id than they normally used, but for the most part, they felt that the measures that the service used - a blind email address - was enough. A further security measure is something that the sites I used in the past advised - don’t be too quick to give out your home phone number and address to anybody. If someone feels wrong, trust your gut, don’t continue to talk to someone either online or in person just because you are afraid of being rude.

I think it’s a good idea to have a plan when it comes to the point where you are finally ready to meet an online match in person. He may sound great on the phone or through email, but it’s wise to play it safe. J explains, “My roommate knew where I was going to meet them, I drove myself to and from, and it was a public location.”

I asked J if she felt it was riskier to meet someone online, than it was to meet them in the “real” world. She said, “No, I don’t think it’s riskier. Here’s the thing: working in a prosecutor’s office, I got to see a lot of ugliness up close and personal, and some of it was between boyfriend/girlfriend or spouses. I’d be willing to bet that the bulk of those people didn’t meet online. There are risks online and in real life. Being in a relationship requires that you take a risk. I don’t think one risk is greater than another.”

What is the next step - what about that first date? First dates can be so awkward, even if you feel that you’ve got a feel for the other person. For most of my first dates coffee was a good option. It’s an informal setting, doesn’t take a lot of time, and gives you an excuse to get a really good look at someone. Keeping your time frame flexible is also helpful as V explains, ” I always kept the initial meeting casual–although some coffee or drink dates turned into dinner or walks.”

Next time, I’m going to cover some of the sites that my friends had both good and bad experiences with, so if you know of a good online dating site, please leave the name in the comments section and I will look into them for Part Three.

For the most part, eHarmony appears to be the best I’ve heard of so far in terms of finding a good match - or keeping bad matches apart, as my friend Sabrina and her ex-husband used the service at the same time and were never matched up.

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