Not Just Friends - Was John Edwards Involved In the “New” Trend of Cheating?
Cheating, trendy? I promise, I’m not being sarcastic or snarky here.
Infidelity has been on my mind lately. No, I’m not contemplating stepping out on my boyfriend, but with the news that John Edwards has admitted to an affair and the renewed interest in John McCain’s past infidelities, cheating does seem to be a topic of public interest.
Theories on cheating (who does it? the percentage of people of do it is? do only men do it?) abound, but the answers to these questions differ, depending upon whom you talk to. Affairs may happen for many reasons, is it usually due to some sort of void that needs to be filled, either within the cheater or within a relationship?
According to Shirley P. Glass, Ph.D, in her book, Not “Just Friends”: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity, the new “danger zone” for committed relationships is a combination of work, friends, and the internet. “As these opportunities for intimate relationships increase, the boundary between platonic and romantic feelings blurs and becomes easier to cross.” According to the statistics Glass has amassed in her clinical practice, 50% of female and 62% of male cheaters she has counseled began their affairs through contacts at work. Glass asserts that affairs are not brought about in large part by unloving spouses or a dismal sex life, but rather the participants develop a deep emotional attachment and they lose track of boundaries.
Boundaries, we learn about boundaries from the time we are children. Are cheaters lazy, no longer vigilant about maintaining the boundaries or are they simply selfish and no longer feel that it’s important to maintain the boundaries?
I wasn’t present at the time that Edwards entered into his affair, but from what I’ve read, the woman involved was someone who worked with him on his campaign. And she pointed a camera at him, presenting his image back to him in as complimentary a light as possible (isn’t that what those ads are about?). That had to be an ego booster. I wonder if they had one of these “new” affairs. Did it start because of a shared passion for the process of selling John Edwards to the voting public? (Hey, I bought it, he was my second choice behind Hilary). Or because of a shared sense of values and an agreement on the issues?
This story, it saddens me, but it also interests me because I worry about infidelity. My boyfriend lives 6 hours away - I see him one weekend a month. I want to make my relationship as infidelity-proof as possible. I’m going to keep looking into this subject. I want an answer to that boundary question.
Why do you think that people cheat?
Tags: , blurred lines, boundaries, Cheating, danger zone, infidelity, John Edwards, John Edwards affair, John Edwards cheats, John McCain, laziness, lying, not just friends, Ph.D., selfish behavior, Shirley P. GlassRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Cheating, In the News
8 opinions for Not Just Friends - Was John Edwards Involved In the “New” Trend of Cheating?
LP
Aug 14, 2008 at 9:49 am
Boredom. Loneliness. Opportunity. And a lot of times…just plain ol’ hormones that people allow to direct them. :(
Michelle Smith
Aug 14, 2008 at 9:57 am
This “new” thing, it’s more about a shared interest in something, like a co-worker, or a friend, and they no longer stay within the bounds of their previous relationship with this person. Dr. Glass says that most of them aren’t following their hormones, in her practice anyway. They are not actively looking for a way or a partner to cheat with.
I do wonder about something like loneliness though, after some of the stuff with you know, it makes me wonder if that’s what happened in his first marriage. Did he ignore her, make her feel stupid and unloveable? She might have had affairs to fill that void. I don’t think that makes it right, but it explains some of it. She sure seems happy now, in her second marriage.
verna
Aug 14, 2008 at 10:03 am
I’m cynical, sometimes I think that infidelity is the norm and monogamy is the exception. I do, however, think it’s much more likely that people in the public eye and powerful people (entertainers, politicians, teachers, etc.) will tend to cheat–they have more opportunity and usually a flock of sycophants and and fans just waiting for an opportunity.
Michelle Smith
Aug 14, 2008 at 10:10 am
Verna, I think that many people share your opinion. I don’t know what the official norm is, but I hope it’s not that most cheat. I didn’t cheat on my husband, although I believed that he cheated on me. S cheated on me when we were teenagers, but I had boyfriends who never cheated, an ex-fiance who never cheated. Maybe it has to do with the partners and their intentions and how they have to remind themselves about those boundaries and not crossing them.
I don’t think that you can keep your partner from cheating. I think that no matter what you do, how hard you work at your relationship, you only have control over your own behavior.
I think that politicians are like rock stars to many people.
verna
Aug 14, 2008 at 10:25 am
I agree — you only have control over your own behaviour. I’ve been cheated on as well… it’s not fun. As long as there has been “relationships” there have been cheaters. I don’t think that’s anything new.
I’ve also felt (on a smaller scale than “rockstar” but as a performer) that “talent crush” people who don’t know me can have after a performance–I find it creepy and some just take advantage. I can only imagine how much of it you attract as a possible presidential candidate.
Thrifty Karen
Aug 16, 2008 at 7:39 pm
I believe LUST is the answer.
Michelle Smith
Aug 16, 2008 at 10:53 pm
According to Dr. Glass, this is a new trend in cheating. Just what society needed - a new reason to cheat. She says that the larger percentage of cheaters in her practice aren’t necessarily looking for sex (although it does follow) and that the relationships that they have developed outside of their marriages come about through interaction at work.
I can remember when my sister-in-law and mom worked for a large company, there were two different couples who met and cheated at work, after hours.
Another “new” way to cheat is having an emotional affair with someone on the internet.
Thrifty Karen
Aug 17, 2008 at 7:13 am
Having someone show interest in you is a big part of it. It makes you feel special and wanted.
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