How do you make relationships work?
…especially when you don’t have good role models?
If there’s one thing that they don’t teach us in school, it’s how we find the right person and how to conduct ourselves in romantic relationships. Sure, we study human behaviour in Psych 101 and probably get an idea of what’s “right” if, by chance, we’ve taken a subject or two on Theology and Philosophy. But to theoretically learn something that can really prepare ourselves for the realities that come with relationships, is somewhat unheard of.
From what I’ve learned so far, most of the things we know about relationships are taken from past experiences, i.e. learning from mistakes, or through observations of other people who are or have been in relationships, i.e. friends for romantic relationships or dating and/or parents for marriage.
But with all the negative things happening all around, I can’t help but think that it might not be a good idea to learn from these mediums. I reckon if I am seeing a poor example in how my friends hook up then break up, or seeing marriages fall apart, I simply cannot say that it won’t happen to me by just thinking of the things I will not do should I find myself in a relationship at some point. Thus, giving birth to cynicism.
How then do we work through our cynicisms about this matter when it is supported by the said negative factors?
For now, I can only speculate.
As a romantic, I’d like to believe that it is possible to have a relationship that will work even if I am surrounded by poor role models. I think that if I am to succeed in making my own relationship work, I can’t rely on the things I’ve learned from these examples alone. It’s imperative that I find some other way to establish a stronger foundation for it.
We go into relationships not for the entertainment value but for more stable and lasting objectives — settling down and satisfying the need of love and companionship. But we all know that it won’t always be smooth sailing once you enter one. There will be rough times, which you have to work through together. Emotions will complicate things and us being pragmatic won’t always help sort things out. Relationships are like marathons. They will test our endurance. Patience and perserverance will be key virtues in reaching the finish line. It’s really not about who reaches there first but about seeing it through till the end.
Now, think about it — what if we’re just using the “poor role models” as scapegoats? Perhaps we’re just putting the blame on them for our own mistakes instead of owning up to it. What do you think?
Last piece of thought, we simply have to accept one truth: Some things are simply out of our control. Once we do accept it, we’ll find that relationships won’t be as stressful or as heavy a task as it seems.
However, it’s so much easier writing about it than being actually in it.
Tags: cynicism, Dating, relationships, role-modelsRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Dating Trends
2 opinions for How do you make relationships work?
Rico
Sep 16, 2006 at 12:44 am
I think even poor role models are useful, showing us what NOT to do. :P
Sasha Manuel
Sep 16, 2006 at 5:53 am
Yea, Rico, that’s true. But don’t you agree that these models aren’t helpful when it comes to inspiring us to actually have a relationship? ;)
Sometimes, I find myself thinking — “what makes ME special that I can be sure I WON’T do the things they did?”
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