CLUE 12. Are You Selfish or Selfless?
Clues 12 and 13 may well be the two most important in the list. They have to do with whether a couple are self-centered or other-centered. They deal with the basic, core attitude that each person displays toward the other. Such elements will be crucial to the success or failure of any marriage.
Infatuation: Why does Mike like to date Kate? She’s the school’s Homecoming Queen! Not that he likes her all that much. She is pretty and popular, but she’s also spoiled and selfish. Still, he likes to date her because, since she’s the “queen” of the school, dating her makes him the “king.” He’s the envy of all the fellows when they see him out with her. So he dates her, not for herself, but for the boost it gives to his ego.
If you are infatuated, your ego response to the other person is mainly selfish and restrictive. Your prime interest in the relationship is what it does for you.
Maybe you know someone who keeps a guy “on the string.” She doesn’t care much for him, treats him like dirt. But his devotion to her builds up her self-image.
Then there’s the guy who wants to overhaul his partner over to suit himself. He is not content that she be herself. He wants to change her into the person he wants or needs her to be. These are both examples of selfish infatuation.
It’s not wrong for you to have your personal needs filled. Every person needs that. But when you’re overriding interest is your own selfish wants and needs, when you have little or no concern for the wants and needs of your partner - then that’s not love. It’s infatuation.
Tags: infatuation, real_loveRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Dating in General
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