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7 Things Men (or Anyone, Really) Should Never Say On A First Date

by Lara on September 1st, 2008

Okay, so I’ve had a lot of first dates. There are a few things that well… while they shouldn’t be avoided completely (as in, no, this is not an excuse to lie to your potential mate) they don’t necessarily need to be brought up on a first date with a woman. Men tend to be a little more ehm…open minded, when it comes to certain things, but take these from a woman’s perspective, guys.

1. “I used to be addicted to (insert drug or “bad thing to be addicted to” here), but I’m okay now.” Fellow Dating Dames blogger Michelle let me in on this one. She went on a first date once and the guy actually told her that he had been addicted to crystal meth, but had been sober for a year and living in a rehab facility. I totally appreciate the honesty, but if you’re going to be this honest, this up front (ie. the first date instead of the second or third) then you have to understand that it’s going to be really difficult to get that second date.
2. “I live with five roommates because my job sucks and doesn’t pay well.” Sure, we’re ALL feeling financial crunches these days. Telling me that you live with five other people automatically tells me that you’re trying to live within your means and/or save money, and that’s actually a good quality. End things there. I don’t need to know right now that you’re broke, though. I feel guilty enough when you won’t let me pay my half of the date after I’d ordered the third most expensive meal because I like the way it tastes. (Thanks, feminists.) I also don’t want to hear that you’re miserable in your job, because well, I happen to love mine, and I don’t want to rub your face in it. Most women don’t like miserable guys. Most people don’t like miserable people. Dating is hard enough, don’t make it worse by being a “Negative Ned or Nancy”.
3. “My ex was really high maintenance. She always wanted me to buy her flowers and jewelry and take her out to eat once a week or more.” Guys, I don’t care who the girl is, women love to feel spoiled. You’re going to find some women that demand it, and others who really truly appreciate it. I happen to be the latter. However you’ve just now made me aware of the fact that I will never get anything from you out of the kindness of your heart, but rather because you feel I’m high maintenance. You just came off as a cheap bastard, when I’d actually have been really thrilled if you’d just picked a daisy up off a grassy median and handed it to me.
4. “So, I’m really into high heels on a woman. I mean, REALLY into it.” Um, yeah, you just totally freaked me out. I don’t wear heels much, and while I’m sure open to “safe” fetishes and stuff, it’s nothing I want to talk about with you now. I actually was talking to a guy online and I don’t know why the conversation lasted more than a few minutes into things after he mentioned this to me, but he got to talking about wanting to see me “stomp a bug” and how hot he thought it would be, and I was just freaked out enough to be done with it. Keep your fetishes to yourself until you’ve gotten to that point in the relationship where you’re at least talking about “doing it” together.
5. “I’m really looking for an “open” relationship. I don’t want to be tied down to anyone.” Newsflash guys, then you shouldn’t really be out on a date with someone unless you’ve already covered this and she’s into one-nighters like you are. Most women who go on a date ARE looking for something serious at some point. Most women don’t like to be tied to a guy who’s not tied to them. Sure, there are exclusions, but they’re probably hanging out at the bar at 2am falling out of their chair or slumped in a corner somewhere. In fact, this date’s over, so why don’t you head on over there and pick one up for yourself.
6. “I’m getting old and I want to hurry up and settle down and have kids before it’s too late.” I think I can almost be somewhat guilty of this myself, however I kind of make it clear before the date ever happens (like in chats or emails) that I’m interested in this. I just tend to want to “get it all out there and up front” because if the guy is anything like guy #5 up there, he and I just shouldn’t waste our time together. But that being said, saying this too soon can often put an air of desperation on that is quite unflattering. If it comes up in natural conversation, and it makes sense to talk about this as a long-term goal, then fine. But “Hi, nice to meet you,” should not be followed with this sentence or any part of it.
7. “I’m voting for __________ in the election this November, because _________.” I love debating, I really do. But talking politics too soon can give your date the wrong idea. Can a Republican and a Democrat have a healthy relationship? Sure. But each party has preconceived notions of the other party’s beliefs, and it would take just too much explaining to get it fixed on a first date. Stick to sports, music, games, entertainment… at least until you’re both on the phone and there’s a debate on the television.

What other things can you add to this list? What are some of the worst topics or discussions you’ve had brought up on a first date? First dates only, please… have at it in the comments.

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