5 Things that bug me about men’s online dating profiles.
Image by d70focus via FlickrOkay, so here’s a nice, neat little list of things that annoy me about some of the dating profiles I see on sites like PlentyOfFish and Match and Yahoo! Personals.
- No photos. Bad photos. Photos only of a car with some figure standing by it that I can’t see. Photos of a man parasailing, with his body a shadow against the summer sun. Worse? A photo of you with another woman, and I don’t care if it’s your sister or cousin. I don’t care if you’ve cut her out of the pic, either. The bottom line guys is that we want to see what you look like, naturally. Don’t try to hide your double chin, don’t shade out your face because your teeth are a little crooked. Don’t show me your dog or your car and NOT show me YOU. Everyone’s got different things they’re attracted to (or not) and all you’re telling me by not having a good, clear, smiling photo of you is that YOU don’t think you’re worth it. If you’re not worth it, how the hell am I going to be?
- Old profiles. I love it when we’re in the thick of summer and I read, “With the holidays right around the corner…” about as much as I love going to the dentist. It tells me that you’ve had this thing up for quite some time, and haven’t made any effort to keep it up to date. My brain immediately goes to one of two options: a) You’re so busy “dating” so many women that you don’t care to impress me. or b) You’re so busy with your outside life that you don’t even respond to people or care about finding a girlfriend. Tie this in with the above issue (photos that show they were taken or uploaded years ago) and I’m REALLY not going to be interested.
- Saying the same old, cliche things like “I enjoy long walks on the beach.” We don’t even HAVE real beaches around here, and that line makes you sound like a 70’s television sitcom to me. I want to know the nitty gritty about you, and I want to know what you REALLY like. Don’t think you can appease me by assuming what I like. Besides, what if I’m allergic to sea water? (I have a friend who is allergic to ANYTHING ocean.) I’m supposed to sit there and think, “Gee, this guy clearly loves the beach, and I can’t go. Maybe I should give it a shot anyway?” Nah. Don’t think so.
- Using “Rather not say,” or “I’ll tell you later.” You know what? If you can’t be transparent about your marital situation, your child situation, whether or not you smoke, drink, or do drugs? I have no choice but to believe that you’ve got some bad crap to hide, and I want NOTHING to do with that. You can’t be honest on an online dating profile, what makes me think you’ll be honest in a relationship?
- Back to the photos - Shirtless ones. Yuck. Not for nothing, I love a good, muscular body like the next girl, but guys, you look absolutely arrogant and ridiculous when you post every shirtless photo you own of yourself. You know how guys sometimes say that they like when a woman dresses sexy, not slutty? Well unless the kind of girl you’re seeking is the kind who only wants to put out for a night or two, then you need to leave a little to OUR imaginations. Yes, you work out hard. Yes, you’ve got a nice set of abs/pecs/guns/whatever… but I’m looking for something that goes much deeper than that. If you’re not, say so, so that I can be on my way.
So yeah, these are just a few things that annoy me, as a woman looking for a real relationship, about men’s profiles. I’m sure that some of these things don’t bother the hoochies that are looking to dig into a man’s wallet, or his pants, but yeah, these bother me.
Men, what bothers YOU about women’s profiles?
Ladies, can you add anything?
This is a Blogtoberfest Sponsored Post. If you would like to enter for a chance to win the surprise gift behind this blog post, please leave a comment. Prize and Winner will be announced within a week. Check back to see if you’re the lucky winner and what you’ve won! You also have lots of chances to win great Blogtoberfest prizes!
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Please don’t stop commenting on the topic, just know that the giveaway for this one is closed. :)
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POSTED IN: Online Personals
114 opinions for 5 Things that bug me about men’s online dating profiles.
Leah
Oct 7, 2008 at 11:31 am
Wouldn’t it be nice if people could just be upfront and totally honest for once. I think it’s rare to find a current, regular, “just me” pic and those “I’ll tell you later” things. Lame. That makes me think they are ashamed, unsure, embarrassed, etc. And that’s not very appealing.
Oh…and the shirt off…ick. Unless your at the beach, waterpark, lake, etc. you should have a shirt on, brother! :)
Janelle
Oct 7, 2008 at 11:53 am
My brother met his wife on eHarmony. How are the profiles there? It worked for them. I think that if a person is truly and sincerely interested in finding someone that is a match for them, they need to make a large effort to present themselves honestly in their profile.
Cami
Oct 7, 2008 at 12:16 pm
It might be a matter of not wanting to post so much personal information on the web but people can do that without being so stupid!
Lara Kulpa
Oct 7, 2008 at 12:17 pm
@Leah - I agree, it’s rare to find someone who’s honest and upfront online. I mean, if you met at a grocery store you couldn’t “hide”, why hide online when you’re looking for a date?
@Janelle - They’re okay, but still frustrating is when men hide their photos. You have to click to request one, and it’s uncomfortable to do so after initiating a conversation, because what if he’s got green teeth (or missing them!), or is just someone you’re flat out not attracted to? You’ve already started talking, so they’ve “got ya” roped in, in many ways. I’ve had that happen and it’s totally not fun.
Congrats to your bro and his wife… I’m willing to bet that neither of them were hiding anything from the start. You should ask them and let me know! :)
Lara Kulpa
Oct 7, 2008 at 12:21 pm
@Cami - I can understand not posting your phone number, email address, home address… but whether or not you smoke? Whether or not you’re still married? What you look like?
I mean, you show your face to the rest of the world all the time, why would you hide it from a potential date, unless you’re insecure or trying to hide from a girlfriend/wife? I know I don’t want an insecure man, nor do I want one who’s still involved with someone else… so I totally tend to avoid those who post crap photos or none at all…
jackie
Oct 7, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Sunglasses and no shirts! What the heck is up with that. That has to be the worst profiles. I do not even respond to them if they have no shirt on. It is like see my body aren’t I wonderful. If they are wearing sunglasses I wonder what they are trying to hide. Eyes say so much about a person.
Huguette E.
Oct 7, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Too true!
monique
Oct 7, 2008 at 12:56 pm
What REALLY irks me is when a guy has minimal information on his profile but has a long list of questions for me. Ummm, NO. Anyone who appears to remotely serial killerish immediately is ignored. I keep my profile and pics up to date and expect the same, for the reasons you detailed in your post. Amen, sister!
loralie
Oct 7, 2008 at 1:48 pm
glad I’m married & don’t have to deal w/it.
Just want to enter for the prize!
Lara Kulpa
Oct 7, 2008 at 2:01 pm
@Jackie - Thanks, I agree about the eyes!
@Monique - That’s one I never thought of - The questions thing, when they don’t say much about themselves in the first place. I know that sometimes people find it hard to type out what they want to say (oh so many times do I get “I’m not good on IM, can we talk on the phone?”) but when they don’t even take the time to put any thought in… ick.
@Loralie - Kiss your hubby every day and thank him for loving you so much so that you don’t have to deal with this kind of junk! LOL (Thanks for commenting, at least you put a little thought into it!)
Tabby
Oct 7, 2008 at 2:25 pm
I’m still very leary of people finding dates online. You never really know what you’re getting into until you meet them. Seems kind of scary to me
Lindley
Oct 7, 2008 at 2:48 pm
I find the photos of the “frat” circle holding up beer cans particularly unappealing. Not exactly a dater’s dream if you know what I mean!
Thanks!
Jen
Oct 7, 2008 at 3:25 pm
What bothers me is when the profiles sound awesome and then you get to talking to the guy and it makes you go “… did he seriously write that profile?” because he sounds so different.
Noreen
Oct 7, 2008 at 3:48 pm
ages that are off by more than a decade or possible 2 decades
Tina
Oct 7, 2008 at 4:52 pm
OMG!! I about spit my soda at my computer! The photos are the WORST! Especially then they have taken the photo themselves and they are in front of the mirror and you see them standing there with their camera phone.. EWW!
Elizabeth M.
Oct 7, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Are you completely serious about the no shirts? That’s so wrong, so completely wrong.
Jess
Oct 7, 2008 at 7:30 pm
I’m more scared by links to myspace accounts that blare loud music. Eesh.
karissa
Oct 7, 2008 at 8:40 pm
aww, I did that for a bit. that was horrible!!!
slimeeeeeeeeey city. sorry ladies.
Chandrea Scranton
Oct 7, 2008 at 8:57 pm
This is so much fun! Not only have I gotten the chance to read some really great blogs, but I also have a chance to win something, too!!
Amy Tucker
Oct 7, 2008 at 9:01 pm
I would say people who lie!
Danai
Oct 7, 2008 at 9:08 pm
It irritates me when a totally unrealistic answer is used for “what are you looking for.” They must be looking at a Barbie doll or some centerfold. Sure, we all like to dream but honestly, how about giving some of us regular folks a chance? Especially when they are not all that to begin with.
Tanna
Oct 7, 2008 at 9:18 pm
Online dating= scary!
Desiree
Oct 7, 2008 at 9:28 pm
So very happy that I am out of the dating scene, but thanks for the chance to enter this giveaway ;)
S
Oct 7, 2008 at 9:42 pm
online dating scares the hell out me and I am glad I m done with it..but how about use real pictures, your pic that is current…say what you really do- don’t say I work in customer relations or pr when you work at walmart returns- be upfront.
Nicole (ikkinlala)
Oct 7, 2008 at 10:08 pm
I haven’t seriously tried online dating, but Monique mentioned one of the reasons I haven’t.
Brianne
Oct 7, 2008 at 10:23 pm
I am so glad this is something I don’t have to deal with… I was so blessed to meet my husband at - of all places - camp(!), and I can’t imagine having to sift through the “are they being truthful” and “what’s their real story” behind some of these online dating services.
Hil'Lesha
Oct 7, 2008 at 10:24 pm
Oh my, this is so funny..but true! This is why I gave up looking at personals long time ago. I’ve met some real creeps. Luckily, I’m in a relationship now. I hated how the ones who said they were nice, but got crapped on women all of the time. Whenever you hear that line, please run for the border, because those are usually the ones that get “crapped” on for a good reason and they’re sure far from being nice! :)
Theresa Shafer
Oct 7, 2008 at 10:30 pm
Someone else’s photo. Or life. So you are plain and simple. Great. I like that.
If you are pretending to be someone else then you need to date someone else.
Terra Heck
Oct 7, 2008 at 11:29 pm
You summed it up quite well ….now if the men will just take heed.
Kamber
Oct 8, 2008 at 12:12 am
When people say something to attract people, but it’s just a lie. So annoying. For both guys and girls.
Kathy
Oct 8, 2008 at 1:48 am
A friend has used a few of these dating sites and it ends up like they hired someone to write their profiles for them. What’s the point?
Jean F
Oct 8, 2008 at 3:59 am
I also hate the ones where there’s an obvious girlfriend/wife cut out of the picture. You can see someone’s hands lovingly touching the guy on the shoulder or waist.
Carol
Oct 8, 2008 at 4:18 am
I can’t believe the ads I read with tons of misspellings! Thanks for the giveaway.
Kathy Scott
Oct 8, 2008 at 4:53 am
My husband’s dad just found his third wife on eharmony. Wishing him luck.
adrienne Gordon
Oct 8, 2008 at 5:00 am
it goes equal for us women too.
Tracey Byram
Oct 8, 2008 at 5:32 am
The photos bother me. Trying to look sexy like a porno site or so vague and fuzzy it could be anything or anyone.
Michael Capp
Oct 8, 2008 at 5:48 am
I’d love to win!
galena penrod
Oct 8, 2008 at 6:09 am
sweet
Shilo Beedy
Oct 8, 2008 at 6:55 am
I’m so glad I’m married and found my husband in high school. I don’t think I could decide from men online. I think men though are probably completely confused on what woman want to see.
Susan C
Oct 8, 2008 at 7:05 am
Craigslist is really bad! Most of the men are looking for perfection and say height proportionate to weight.
Ashley
Oct 8, 2008 at 7:22 am
i have to agree, i don’t think dating profiles are very valid…
Erica C.
Oct 8, 2008 at 7:26 am
nice!
Cathy
Oct 8, 2008 at 7:43 am
I hate those silly “hold your camera in the air and take a picture looking up at it while it shines down your shirt” profile pics.
chris swanson
Oct 8, 2008 at 7:51 am
I am very shy and I started on eharmony but didn’t feel comfortable there. I really hate the guys that say the want perfection. Anyone know a good site where guys are honest and down to earth or is eharmony it?
beth shepherd
Oct 8, 2008 at 7:53 am
Thank you for having this! I love surprises! Thank you!
[email address removed - we have it in admin, posting it in the comment only opens you up to spam! - Lara]
Kirby McCauley
Oct 8, 2008 at 8:30 am
Blogtoberfest you say? Sounds like so much fun! What a great way to showcase your blog!
Geri Nyland
Oct 8, 2008 at 8:39 am
Love this site!! Count me in for the surprise gift givaway!!
Rebecca Snodgrass
Oct 8, 2008 at 8:49 am
I married at 18. So, i never tried online dating.
Lara Kulpa
Oct 8, 2008 at 8:49 am
Thank you so much everyone for all your great comments!
The purpose behind this is not only to give something great as a surprise to one of you, but to get the “conversations” flowing on the blog(s), so please, if you haven’t subscribed yet, make sure you do so and keep coming back with the comments! We love them!
Creating A Better Online Dating Profile
Oct 8, 2008 at 9:44 am
[…] Lara’s post yesterday got me thinking… […]
M.A.
Oct 8, 2008 at 9:46 am
I’ve decided to forget about reality and just plain make like I’m seeing and reading fantasy!
Tarah
Oct 8, 2008 at 10:16 am
haha- that post cracked me up. I’m engaged so I’m not dating but I can imagine that is exactly what a lot of women think too.
Darcie
Oct 8, 2008 at 10:30 am
Great post Lara! I totally agree with all of it. It’s like men create profiles to impress men (why else would they put a picture up of a car?)
Elena
Oct 8, 2008 at 10:31 am
Sometimes browsing men’s personal ads is a good way to entertain yourself. I crack up at the really old pictures. :D Thanks for the contest!
Casey H
Oct 8, 2008 at 10:35 am
I’d love to get in on the blogtoberfest fun! Thanks so much!!
Bebemiqui
Oct 8, 2008 at 10:51 am
I can’t think of anything I’d add…hee, hee, good list.
[Email address removed… AGAIN… there’s no need, we already have it when you put it in the email field. Putting it in the comment only opens you up to spammers and unworthy people.]
veronica sandberg
Oct 8, 2008 at 11:03 am
want to win this
Diana G
Oct 8, 2008 at 11:06 am
purposefully fuzzy pictures so you can’t really tell what they look like. Or really old photos of when they were younger, prettier, and weighed much less.
Vicky Boackle
Oct 8, 2008 at 11:08 am
the untruthfulness.
Alison
Oct 8, 2008 at 11:23 am
I’d love to win!
I met my husband online years ago. His profile was great, it had a good picture of him at the beach. ;)
Brandy Stokes
Oct 8, 2008 at 11:53 am
Most people lie on those things, women too! My friend messes around on those sites and doesnt tell them she has kids, and lies about her weight…and Im like duh… if yall hit it off hes gonna know you lied to him, its better to be honest now than have to explain yourself later when emotions are already tied in!!
Angela J
Oct 8, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Who cares? Be yourself, it’s a great perk of being older, you don’t need to “play the game.”
valerie mabrey
Oct 8, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Would like to win
reeva
Oct 8, 2008 at 12:31 pm
i wish people would be themselves when dating. IT would save everyone a lot of time :)
Sara Borrink
Oct 8, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Men will not be honest no matter what the circumstances.
Michele
Oct 8, 2008 at 1:21 pm
I’m very new to this “online dating”, so far I don’t have anything to add, but what you posted and what everyone has been saying does seem to be true.
Oh, and thanks for the giveaway! :)
Janet F
Oct 8, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Thank you.
janetfaye (at) gmail (dot) com
susan varney
Oct 8, 2008 at 2:23 pm
no online dating for me
Ed Nemmers
Oct 8, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Sweet niblets!
susan p
Oct 8, 2008 at 2:39 pm
please enter me thanks!
Anne
Oct 8, 2008 at 3:01 pm
fake photos, fakeness in general, oh lordy, I’ve seen some that list the length of their penises lmao (blush)
sometimes, men just don’t get it
Thanks
Talitha Lee
Oct 8, 2008 at 3:06 pm
My mom has theory about places like Match.com and eHarmony. She believes that the how ever many dimensions of compatibly are all just breathing!
Cam
Oct 8, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Oh, I totally agree! Shirtless photos are by farrrr the worst but maybe shirtless in front of a car cancel each other out. What about the pictures where the guy has his arm around some girl whose face is blacked-out? Those are my favorite.
Joe P
Oct 8, 2008 at 4:34 pm
Not every guy is a jerk and not every woman is WORTH being with.
I’m glad I’m married and have been for 13 years. Have a few friends who are in their 40s and dating again.
My one friend was married for 10 years and has a profile on
He has told me more than once women who ask his income and many have fake pictures becuase they are overweight.
Vergie
Oct 8, 2008 at 5:01 pm
honesty
Linda
Oct 8, 2008 at 6:01 pm
I am married 25 years.
Lenora Garrett
Oct 8, 2008 at 6:09 pm
I’m so happy to be married. But even then people aren’t always honest.
jim scott
Oct 8, 2008 at 6:10 pm
surprise, surprise
Cindi
Oct 8, 2008 at 6:44 pm
I don’t know very much about online dating services! It seems that the information people give should be checked more thoroughly. Please enter me in your drawing. I love a surprise. Thanks, Cindi
Alecia Gibson
Oct 8, 2008 at 7:17 pm
Even though I’ve never tried online dating, yet, I agree with everything you said. Thanks for the giveaway!!
Tonya Froemel
Oct 8, 2008 at 8:49 pm
like to win this
Betty C
Oct 8, 2008 at 10:16 pm
I seriously don’t think I could ever enter into a relationship with someone I met online. I guess I expect everyone to lie and I’m too afraid of finding a really dangerous person.
Cheryl Free
Oct 8, 2008 at 10:26 pm
I hate old photos and fake photos, but no photos are the worst :) *Thanks* for the giveaway!
Rosanne Morrison
Oct 8, 2008 at 10:45 pm
Thank God I’m married
Joy Venters
Oct 8, 2008 at 11:10 pm
have not used any of the dating services but would like to win
Carla Pullum
Oct 8, 2008 at 11:20 pm
Please enter me I love surprises!
Zoe Lee
Oct 8, 2008 at 11:21 pm
Thank goodness I am married…I dont know how people do it these days…lol..thanks for the contest.
Julianne
Oct 9, 2008 at 12:07 am
I think one thing is do they sound rushed when you speak to them to get serious? It takes, on average, more than a year for a person to start revealing who they truly are. Most counselors, Christian and secular agree that you should date at least 2 years before marrying. As the 2nd year is when you start truly knowing the person and all their uglies.
Profiles are usually putting the best foot forward and can be very misleading. But you definitely want somebody who shares at least a few of you passions.
As for pictures, I had no preference, just don’t want anything that is deceit in anyway.
Best of luck to you single ladies and truly be careful…too many sick people online mixed in with the good people. It takes a lot of time and effort to sort through it all.
Kirsten
Oct 9, 2008 at 3:07 am
I am happily married and don’t know what to think about online dating. I have some friends that have met people and are still together and some that have real horror stories…..Lying about looks is a big problem.
Jennifer C.
Oct 9, 2008 at 6:21 am
Oh, the wonderful world of online dating. My MIL is entering that arena after being a widow for almost 8 years. Interesting people on there her age.
Janet
Oct 9, 2008 at 6:38 am
glad I’m married & don’t have to deal w/it.ty 4 the giveaway
judy chapman
Oct 9, 2008 at 7:28 am
I am married to Thank God, and honesty is hard to come by in a lot of people.
Angela Koga
Oct 9, 2008 at 8:02 am
Have a agenda,please leave it at the doorstep and just bring your true self.
Laura G
Oct 9, 2008 at 8:22 am
So glad I’m happily married and don’t have to deal with it…I agree with your points - who wants to respond to someone who doesn’t take the time to keep it up to date or put in real pictures?
Karen M
Oct 9, 2008 at 8:23 am
I’ve been married 23 years and don’t even know what to say to this. I don’t look at guys profiles. I would guess if they are dressed inappropriately or make lewd comments, that would be a definite no-go.
Jennifer Schroeder
Oct 9, 2008 at 11:44 am
I’ve been married now to my second husband for six years and things are going great. After an ugly experience the first time time around, I couldn’t imagine myself trying to date in today’s society. Things have changed a lot.
Deborah
Oct 9, 2008 at 1:38 pm
I’m single, and I gave up on so-called “dating” sites. They are nothing but meat markets. Some guys had the nerve to send me photos of their private parts!! No thanks. I can find a roll in the hay anywhere. I’m looking for a companionable relationship that will last.
Heather
Oct 9, 2008 at 2:48 pm
This post makes me laugh, my best friend has even offered to retake pictures for one of her male friends!!
kathy pease
Oct 9, 2008 at 3:25 pm
PLEASE COUNT ME IN ON THIS AWESOME GIVEAWAY :)
Alissa
Oct 9, 2008 at 3:47 pm
Loved reading the responses. I have not dated yet (at age 19) but I know what *not* to look for now! :)
theodore esteghamat
Oct 9, 2008 at 4:43 pm
As possibly being the only man here, I’ll say this-either we’re egotistical or insecure. at least give the insecure ones a chance.
Donna Kozar
Oct 9, 2008 at 5:50 pm
I want people to be homest.
Blogtoberfest 2008 - Dating Dames first winner!
Oct 9, 2008 at 5:56 pm
[…] of nearly 100 commenters, I’m proud to announce that the winner of the sponsored prize for 5 Things that bug me about men’s online dating profiles is Joe […]
Veronica Garrett
Oct 9, 2008 at 6:03 pm
What happened to making an effort to meet someone at the supermarket or the local Goodyear store. Can’t people talk in person anymore. I’m sure everyone knows someone who is looking and who knows someone better than one who knows the. Now my Uncle Harry….
Gianna
Oct 9, 2008 at 6:15 pm
Please enter me :)
Sharon Davis
Oct 9, 2008 at 6:22 pm
I think I was bothered most by the first comment, that seemed to involve weight. Either all women lie about their weight or probably you are heavier than you look, etc. Next they want to know if you are a good cook, sure I am, I fix two Cheerios for each of us and watch my weight. They worried because I didnt drink alcohol, that made me think that they do.
Jennifer C
Oct 9, 2008 at 7:14 pm
Boy, makes me glad I’m married! Having said that, a very dear friend of mine met an awesome guy online, and they’ve been together for 5 or 6 years now. So it can happen.
Helen
Oct 9, 2008 at 7:31 pm
Slim pickings out there!
Kathy S
Oct 9, 2008 at 8:30 pm
I’ve been married for 37 years, and there is no way (if and when the time came), that I would be looking for someone to date online……(especially if I had to post a photo! LOL)
Samantha Pruitt
Oct 9, 2008 at 8:31 pm
i love surprises!
Renee G
Oct 9, 2008 at 9:31 pm
I’m happily married, so I don’t go to these sights. However, when I stroll through our local paper, I hate all the abbreviations — I’m never sure what anyone is trying to say…
Heather C
Oct 9, 2008 at 9:59 pm
Just don’t be a Cinderella. :-)
Thanks so much!
Cori Westphal
Oct 10, 2008 at 10:33 pm
makes me glad i’m married (for once) :) Thanks for the surprise!
Heather C
Oct 17, 2008 at 12:09 pm
I really wish there was a technology that would measure truthfulness in people when they write those profiles. I’ve never used them, but always see the commercials and wonder, if I wasn’t married, who would they match me with?
Have an opinion? Leave a comment: